Gillian's journey to find herself again
SickKids means everything to me, since I truly do have my entire life thanks to them. No, I am not a young patient who went through multiple surgeries, chemotherapy sessions, trying my hardest each and every day to fight some sort of physical illness. My illness is on the inside and can’t be diagnosed through blood tests and body scans. The 7A ward at SickKids truly helped me when my family and I needed it most. The wonderful staff there had devoted their days to help me and other patients like me get over their eating disorder and finally win the war in our heads that some of us have been fighting for years and years.
Before SickKids, I was suffering with depression. I didn’t receive any sort of prescription from my family doctor to help with this, but looking back maybe I should have spoken up about it a little more than I did. I was finishing up my grade 11 year, already feeling the pressure of choosing a post-secondary school and getting my future plans in order. Along with this pressure of school and a recent breakup with my very first boyfriend, I was at my lowest. I didn’t use the support that I could have received from my family and friends at the time, and instead turned to releasing my feelings through exercise. Along with this heavy exercise, I was also eating less and less every day.
Come my grade 12 year, I had lost almost 40lbs. My teachers and peers had definitely seen the difference when I got back to school in the fall, some even commenting on it to my face. I just ignored their worried looks, and to be honest thought I looked pretty good at the time, although really I was crippling away. One of my teachers spoke to my mum and one of the school’s guidance counsellors about my weight, which was the start of my reluctant ride to recovery. Much to my dismay, I was forced to join an outpatient program with the Peterborough Regional Health Centre, where I visited every Friday and got blood work once a week. At home, the occasional rivalry between parent and child became a battlefield of screams and refusals from me to eat anything that my mind told me not to. It was a difficult time, and I am thankful for each and every day my family spent with this monster that had taken over their loved one.
My weight got so low that my recovery team in Peterborough and family doctor had agreed to sign me up for a bed at SickKids. They knew that the wait list was long, and hearing this just gave me hope that I wouldn’t actually have to go.
"The 7A ward at SickKids truly helped me when my family and I needed it most."
I remember the day my mum got the call from my doctor. I had lost so much weight that I was in critical condition and needed to get to Toronto immediately or else the bed set up for me would be given to someone else. I was getting ready for a rugby tournament that my parents were going to drive my twin and I to. I was upstairs brushing my teeth, when all of a sudden I see my mum and dad standing in the middle of the hallway. My mum was crying and my dad was trying to stay strong when they told me that I had to go to the hospital and would not be going to the tournament after all. My mum or my dad, to be honest I don’t even remember who said it because it’s all just a blur, told me that “there has been a change of plans”. I just broke down at that moment. My first thought was to go to my twin and hug her and apologize for everything. I didn’t want to let her down, but because of me she never got to play her last game of rugby in high school. I remember packing up my bags and wondering what I even needed to bring with me: how long was I going to be there for, anyways?
Looking back on it all now, I know that if I had not gone to SickKids, I would never have had that wake-up call I needed. Getting sent to the hospital had taken its toll on everybody, not just me. My twin had to go to school each and every day without me, my parents each took turns taking the day off and driving the hour and a half to come see me, my older siblings who live in Alberta were gut wrenched knowing that there was nothing they could do to help out here in Ontario. However, if I wasn’t given the bed, I probably wouldn’t have recovered as quickly as I did. SickKids got me up to a suitable weight before I was discharged and sent back to outpatient with Peterborough. After that I knew I had to work hard to gain my weight - and life - back.
Today, I am glad to say that thanks to SickKids, Peterborough, my parents, siblings, friends, and my family doctor, my weight has been restored. It has been a roller coaster of a ride, but I am glad for what I received from my experience. I had gained friends from my stay in the hospital, I had gained hope, and I had gained the will to fight through those thoughts in my head that were making me disappear into nothingness each and every day.
My story isn’t the average story you might hear from people thanking SickKids for their wonderful work and care with young patients. However, just because my story is unconventional does not mean that I am not equally as thankful to this hospital for helping me in a time when I wasn’t really “me”. And for all of that, I am thankful.
