SickKids VS: Sarah's cancer
GUEST BLOG: SickKids mom LeahAs my family took part in this year’s VS campaign video shoot, I couldn’t help but reflect on the impact SickKids has had on our lives. The home it became for us and the family that we gained through our experience here. Although our SickKids story ended in heart break, we still felt a need to return to this place and be part of SickKids VS Limits. This is our family’s story.
I remember that first night when we got to SickKids like it was yesterday. I remember walking into the emergency department and saying to Mark, "Finally we are in the right place. We will get some answers and fix Sarah right up!" I remember being in that emergency room, holding her baby sister, Elizabeth, and watching Sarah sleep. I remember Dr. Jack taking Mark, Elizabeth, and me to another room so we could talk. And then our world stopped. CANCER. I wanted to scoop up Sarah and run. I had to leave so no one would see me break down. I remember pulling myself together and going back to where Sarah slept. I looked at my beautiful girl and had no idea what I was going to do. I was completely helpless. Sarah was my baby, my everything.
Sarah was 5 when she was diagnosed with an aggressive form of blood cancer called AML and Elizabeth was only 9 months old. Before this day we were just a normal happy family. Sarah was in Senior Kindergarten and Elizabeth was a happy bouncy baby on two naps a day and breastfeeding. After that day when we heard Sarah’s diagnosis, that all changed.
The next few days were a blur. Doctors, nurses, blood work, chemo, no food, no drinks, blood transfusions, IV's, central lines, fever, day surgery, crying, screaming, loss of naps, phone calls, breastfeeding, playing, rashes, visitors, running, diarrhea, vomiting, fear, hair loss and more crying. It was absolute chaos.
But I can't say enough good things about the doctors, nurses and support staff at SickKids. So many nights we were up worrying about Sarah and it was them who sat with us, even doctors too, and just listened. It was support staff who brought Sarah pillow cases that someone had made just to make Sarah's room more cheerful. It was nurses who held Elizabeth while I helped Sarah. They became our family as they did with all of us on the Oncology unit.
"Elizabeth and Matthew were so little when Sarah was here with us. Being a part of this campaign allows me to show the kids where their sister fought so bravely."
Dr. Hitzler had been Sarah’s doctor from the beginning and we had all made such a connection. I will never forget that day, post transplant and isolation, when Dr. Hitzler came walking towards me with Sarah’s latest test results. I knew by his expression that Sarah had relapsed again. He looked just as devastated as I felt; we both knew there was no more treatment for Sarah. I don't remember too much after that. I have flashes of feelings mostly; anxiety, fear, great sadness and pain that is so indescribable since it is both physical and emotional.
Sarah died in our home in my bed with Mark and I beside her on November 2, 2014. No matter how I appear to you today, my heart is forever broken, forever changed and forever sad.
SickKids was our home for those 2 years that we all fought for Sarah. The nurses, doctors, and support staff were our family. It's been 3 years since Sarah died. Three years since we have been at our SickKids home with our SickKids family and it feels right to be back. It is a great honour for us to be able to be a part of this new VS campaign. Elizabeth and Matthew were so little when Sarah was here with us. Being a part of this campaign allows me to show the kids where their sister fought so bravely. Where Elizabeth took her first steps. Where Sarah first held Matthew. Where we made so many friends who are still very much a part of our lives. Although we all suffered so much here, we leave SickKids with many incredible memories that we try to focus on. SickKids is a part of our history, our journey, and we are proud of that. I hope that we can help to rebuild SickKids and, maybe, at the same time, rebuild ourselves.
